It’s all about sex

Heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual, asexual, pansexual, transexual… what’s the one thing we all have in common? We are all sexual beings in one form or another.

For the majority of men, sex is something we think about on a daily basis. And yet, how openly do we talk about the subject of sex itself? And what does it really mean to us as individuals?

In everyday life, if you’re with the lads, it’s all banter and bravado, but are we having real conversations about sex and our struggles with it?

A lot of us men watch porn and masturbate on a daily basis, sometimes multiple times a day. For others, their relationship with sex may look and feel very different. Some of the men I know in hetero-normative relationships haven’t had sex with their partner in at least 6 months.

Some of the married men I know haven’t had sex with their partners in the last 2-8 years! Whilst the gay, bi and trans men I know can generally get some form of sex within an hour of using an app!

It’s not as easy for single straight men, because women have a very different view and response to sex than men do. For a man, actually being able to connect with and meet up with a woman to have casual sex with is a lot more difficult.

Then there’s the issue of emotional intimacy and connection with someone were having sex with. For a lot of men, sex is seen as the acceptable way to engage with touch and intimacy. But what about all the other ways we can be sexually intimate without the need for penetration or ejaculation?

If we think back to sex education in school, in my case I’m going back 25 years, I was only taught the mechanics of how to make a baby and the risks of STI’s. It taught me nothing about intimacy, fun, exploration, diversity of sexual practices, sex toys, kinks, fetishes, communication, boundaries, non-verbal consent or even fear. We were told what we should or should not do, but taught very little about choice!

If we look at where society is today, there are a lot of men who are either not engaging in sex, are unable to articulate their needs and desires, are fearful of doing the wrong thing and being accused and vilified, or are addicted to porn.

For all the progress we have made as a species, the subject of sex and sexual expression is still incredibly closeted and repressed.

As men, where are we able to have real, honest, open, vulnerable, raw conversations about sex, sexual identity, sexual expression, sexual success, sexual performance, sexual anxiety and issues of trauma, shame, guilt and pain? 

Sex can be fucking amazing when we get it right and deeply traumatic when it goes wrong.

If you want to explore the subject of sex in a safe and confidential environment in a community of brotherhood and like-minded men, then check out our upcoming Men’s Retreat “It’s all about Sex!” this June. Hosted by coaches, counsellors and therapists, we’ll be discussing everything to do with sex from the male perspective; from identity to expression, from masturbating to porn addiction, from body image to sexual performance, from communication to intimacy… Yes gents, we’ll talk about it all. This is a space where we can join together with mature masculinity to explore sex and all of its facets.

If you want to secure your space in a gathering of like-minded men, then send a DM to ‘mensretreatsuk’ with the words “Sex” within the next 24hrs and I’ll send you the booking link. 

You can find us here;
Instagram – mensretreatsuk
Website –

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